my Ayah, the true hero.-2/23

everyone will say this obviously,
a typical line it is, be it when we were younger or even now, our father is our protector, through good or bad, he'll stick by us no matter what.if only i realized this earlier, * childishness killed me back then, and for that, there's nothing else that i want to say to my ayah at the moment but the words of a deep regret and sorry for what i've done throughout the whole 19 years of my life.
i used to upset him a lot , * he doesn't even have to mention it but i knew,
just by looking in his eyes, all the worries he had for his one and only daughter.
to him, i am perfection. his pride and glory. every parents would think the same too of their children, i know.
sometimes i even ponder and wonder if ayah ever get sick of handling his family of five
sometimes i even wonder what he felt during those times i threw fits of tantrums towards him * us growing teenagers can be such a pain in the ass right?
sometimes i wish i could put myself in his shoes, to feel what he felt, to do what he did, to say what he said. as simple as that.

ayah went through a lot in his life , n idk, just thinking bout those immature acts i did to him makes me wnt to break down, in absolute despise of myself

when ayah was 7, he was hit by a car on his way to school after his mother dropped him by at the opposite road and fortunately he survived with only minor cuts and bruises. but when he told me the whole story, all i did was nothing. i should've kiss him and tell him this
" thank you for surviving"

when he was a teenager, he used to work part-time to earn himself allowance, but when he told me this, all i did was nothing. i should've refuse when he gave me my allowance and make an effort to earn money on my own but i didn't. instead of spending his money wisely, i did the opposite.i should've tell him this.
" Just like you, I want to earn money myself and be proud of it"

when he joined the army, the special unit that is, he went through Hell and still forced himself to stay strong
when he told me this, yes, all i did was nothing. i should've tell him how proud I am to be having such a brave man as my father,
" I am proud of you Ayah, I really do"

when he went to his mission for a year and a half,he had to went through a long period of loneliness, and when he finally came back and told me every single thing he saw and did in S.L , all I did was nothing. the worst part was, i felt like he was stranger,i should've at least listen to all his stories.
" Ayah, were you lonely there. Did you miss us? Did you miss home?"


i wish i could finish this instead of leaving it half-way through,but
i cnt.* perhaps later


Ayah, I know I did so many wrongs towards you, but I promise I will never let you down ever again. Happy 49th birthday Ayah. And when I called just now, I wish I could say all these to you , just so you know, that I will always love you and that I really care about you , cos you are after all , my true hero.